When a young man steps out on his own, he is an ambitious optimist. He is, like Tigger, brimming with self-confidence, enthusiasm, ambition, and a certain je ne sais quoi that drives him to achieve.
This drive and ambition is hard-wired into a man. I reckon it’s the way God designed him so that he would be focused on being a provider when the time comes.
Then… just when he should be most focused on achieving his ambition… he falls in love.
American society, particularly in the South, conditions a man to cherish his wife, to work hard, and be a good provider. A man happily bears hardships so that he can take care of his wife and children. In a complementary role, his woman is “an help meet for him” …or so he assumes.
A man goes into the relationship with the intent of providing for his woman a good life. His aim is to give her the life that allows her to be one of the “ladies who lunch.” That is to say, he wants to enable her to be a stay at home wife & mother, and a keeper at home.
He is operating under a set of unwritten rules, handed down from father to son for generations. He thinks that his woman will believe in him, praise him, and encourage him.
This belief and encouragement pushes him to achieve, to lead, and to do great things in his goal of being a provider (after all, why would any woman marry a man she doesn’t believe in, or in whom she did not see great potential?).
Implicit in these archaic assumptions is also the expectation that she will be attentive and affectionate… the sort of frequent love and and affection, which every man thinks is part of marriage (after all, why would any man marry a woman who is cold and un-affectionate?).
Mugged by Modernity
Today’s woman has no time to be “an help meet for him.” As a matter of fact, the idea that she should be such, is offensive to the modern woman. Even among conservatives, and church girls, “The feminist in her” is incensed by the suggestion that she would ever need a man to provide for her.
Traditional gender roles are most assuredly NOT one of her life goals. The modern woman is hyper-competitive. She must be. She is going to be an accomplished woman. She is going to have it all. She is a career woman, a “boss babe,” a “beautiful badass,” or whatever term is currently in vogue within her circle.
Whereas he is stuck in an old paradigm, and thinks in terms like “We.” She is operating under a completely different set of rules. She has got her own life after all, and the relationship paradigm is “Me” and “him.
The very idea that “they twain shall be one flesh” is just another outdated, obsolete notion from dusty, irrelevant books, written by misogynist desert nomads in a bygone era, when women were chattel.
And if you REALLY want to see the modern churchian female spit nails, bring up things like:
- Proverbs 5
- 1 Corinthians 7
- 1 Corinthians 11
- Ephesians 5
- Titus 2
- 1 Peter 3
He’d Better Be a Disney Prince
Today’s woman “deserves more.” She expects a man who is turn-key. A man who has already put in the hard work and sacrifice; who has already slayed the dragon and achieved success.
She wants a man who is ready to lay the world at her feet before she deigns to cross the threshold of his life (and he shouldn’t even think about carrying her across that threshold, she doesn’t trust him to do it right).
This isn’t Lowe’s after all. She has no interest in “let’s build something together.” Those are his dreams, not hers. She is a career woman with dreams of her own to chase… dreams that do not involve “keeping her man happy.” That foolishness is for backward, unattractive women who wear ankle-length denim skirts and home school the brood of children that they are always popping out (“don’t those people know where babies come from?”).
Ladies, like my Hyacinth, you [probably] did not enter the relationship with the intent of destroying your man. But, inevitably, that is what happens. Over the course of many years, a woman’s attempt to ‘get him trained,’ destroys the man she fell in love with.
Once she has him trained, she can brag to her mother and her girlfriends about how ‘my Richard is nothing at all like that Onslow.’ But, it is a hollow victory. For when she gets home, she must face the mirror, knowing that her Tigger has become Eeyore.
You see, once you have beaten him down until he is malleable, then hammered him into the mold of your expectations… the man you have now, is a man you no longer desire.
For the benefit of those who have never given it much thought, I want to simplify the process for you, so that you might understand exactly how to go about it.
Before we get started, I must warn you. This is the relationship equivalent of a nuclear bomb. When I say “destroy a man,” I am not talking about merely hurting his feelings. If you want to do that, just sleep with one of his mates.
No. I am talking about destroying his spirit. Burning the very heart out of him, crushing him, and grinding him to powder, until he is nothing but ashes and emptiness.
Everyone have a pencil at hand? Good! let’s begin:
How to Destroy a Man
In Three Simple Steps
1. Feign boredom when he speaks of his passions.
- When your young man speaks excitedly of things that move him you must appear disinterested.
- Tell him you’re too busy to listen, or that whatever he is talking about is boring.
- When he gets on to a subject about which he is passionate… Usually something to do with his ambitions, or his goals for the future that he wants to build with you… he is opening his heart and his life to you. He is revealing his innermost self. He is letting down his defenses and opening the very keep of his heart. You must crush it. Ruthlessly!
- Be dismissive! – if he asks for your input about those goals, or the process of achieving them, your attitude should be one of ‘dismissive disinterest.’
- When your man speaks of business ideas, question his foolish plans – as though you were asking “Why would anyone want to do THAT??”
- If he persists in wanting to include you in his dreams, if he continues to ask for your input:
- Do not brainstorm with him! It is crucial that you offer no suggestions, as this will stimulate his creative juices, and cause him to hope.
- Tell him it won’t work. Point out flaws in his every plan, or vocalized thought.
- Tell him his goals are unworkable, unrealistic, and unattainable.
- He must be made to understand that he is not as smart as he thinks he is. Make it your mission to ensure he internalizes that fact.
- When your man suggests an activity, an adventure, amusement, etc, let him know you are uninterested, and that he should pursue said interest alone (emphasis on ‘alone’).
2. Never encourage him!
- If you offer encouragement of any kind, it will energize him and lift his spirits. He may start believing he can accomplish those dreams. You must not allow that! Bring him to heel immediately.
- Any attempt on his part to try and include you in his dreams for the future, must be met with discouragement.
- Put your foot down and let him know that your career is too important, and keeps you too busy…and that by the time you get home in the evening, you don’t have any cycles left for him.
- When you see him becoming withdrawn and depressive, you will know that you are making great progress in grinding him down.
- exclaim in an exasperated voice “if I only knew what you wanted, I would do it! What can I DO?” Get him to think it over, and write it down for you. When he does, you must ignore his list, and studiously avoid discussion of these topics.
- Leave his written list laying exactly where he left it for you. Do not pick it up. Do not look at it. Do not discuss it.
- Think of this step as “turning the work,” to expose any latent hope or hidden potential within him, so that these spots can be wiped away.
3. Deny him your affection.
A man desires his woman. He wants to have sex with her. All the time. When women ask “is that all you think about?” They are merely showing their ignorance of life, and the facts thereof. We men are created that way (see Proverbs 5:15-21).
Physical affection is the primary way in which we connect, bond, and feel close to a woman. A man knows she loves him by the frequency and intensity of the attention and affection with which she showers him. If a man cannot have sex with his woman any time he wants, then there is really no point in being with her. The connection will simply not be there.
- Many women might expect that denying affection should be the first item on the list. But that would be a grave mistake.
- If you deny him your affection from the beginning, he’ll just leave you for a more willing woman, who shares his optimism and zeal for life. It is important to keep him hopeful, and thus trapped, so that you can wear him down.
- As time goes by, certainly by the end of your first or second year of marriage, you should drastically reduce the amount of sex you allow him.
- Establish early on that YOU are the one who determines when he gets your affection. Do this during the first year of marriage.
- Society has done the lions share of this conditioning for you. But you must leave nothing to chance in establishing YOUR primacy.
- Let him know that something he has done in the bedroom made you “feel uncomfortable.” Tell him you were “scared.” As a last resort…if you need to close a lot of ground quickly, tell him he raped you.
- This will shame him so completely that he won’t dare try to touch you unless you initiate, or have a welcoming, come hither attitude.
- Do not flirt. Do not acknowledge his flirtation. If he makes suggestive remarks or whispers naughty intent, just smile thinly. Or better yet… laugh. But do not engage.
- Do not initiate affection. If you must kiss him, make it a Norman Rockwell kiss.
- Wait until you are leaving the house and pressed for time. It’s best not to give even chaste kisses when there is time on hand. He might press for more.
- NEVER put your arms around him and tell him you love him. The only time you should hug your man is when he hugs you. Then, hug him in return. But only briefly. You must give him the double-tap within five to seven seconds.
- When you are displeased with him, if he hugs you, keep your arms at your sides.
- In between the rare (semi-annual-ish) occasions when you allow him sex…if he is feeling amorous (and let’s face it, he’s a man, he will make the attempt), your stock replies should be similar to the following:
- “You know I love you, but I am SO not in the mood right now.”
- “Okay, but I am so exhausted right now, would you mind if I don’t participate while you enjoy yourself?”
- *sigh* “FINE…if it will make YOU comfortable!”
- Sleep with your back to him, and do not touch him with anything more than a toe.
- And the pièce de résistance… Become completely unresponsive to his touch.
- If your man touches you in the night, you should remain absolutely and completely inert. Do not respond, do not move, do not say a word.
- This will inflict the greatest long-term damage his self-respect.
- Regardless of how you were propagandized at university about the mythical “rape culture,” a man desires his woman. But only if she wants him.
Bonus: When he gets depressed (and if you follow these simple instructions, it will happen), you must be angry with HIM for being depressed.
It is NOT your fault. Nothing is ever your fault. Never allow him to suggest that you should lift him up, be an encouragement to your man, or “bear ye one another’s burdens.”
There you have it! Consistently perform these three steps, and your man will become an empty, burnt-out husk within 5 years. No longer will he be the masculine, hard-charger of his youth. He will be a hollow man, with no mojo, no focus, no ambition, no confidence, and no self-esteem.
The goals he once had will appear as but an occasional mirage. Without an encourager (what thought he was getting when he married you) he will finally realize that he is alone. His defeat will be final and complete. Revel in your victory.